The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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