There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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