Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
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What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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