take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize