Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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