I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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