She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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