Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
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