if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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