I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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