Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
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I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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