My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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