we have pet lesbian snakes
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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