I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
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Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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