Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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