census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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