He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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