I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize