im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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