I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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