So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
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say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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