Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
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I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
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NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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