five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize