Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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