The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
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Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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