I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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