If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
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You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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