Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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