It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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