thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
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The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
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Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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