Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize