my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
there's paper in my vomit.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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