I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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