Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
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My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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