Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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