i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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