So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
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Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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