On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize