so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
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There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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