I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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