Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
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Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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