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i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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