Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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