at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
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Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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