Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
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I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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