I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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