yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
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I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
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I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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