Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
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For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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