I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize