How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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